I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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