Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sarcasm needs its own font
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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