things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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