Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
