I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize