Can i not drive my cunt home
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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