If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
