I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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