i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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