Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you win again, gameday.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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