Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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