He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
