I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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