Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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