Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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