I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
