you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
