I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
