Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my god I love twenty year old dicks
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
