You really coming over, don't trick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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