if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's never too late to be topless.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
