Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
