I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
