he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
