Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
