You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
