you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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