What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
