Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
