it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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