i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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