1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
