are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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