A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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