At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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