So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
