I need to stop coming to work sober
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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