dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
