wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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