Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
