i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
