I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Randomize