Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
