haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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