it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
