Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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