Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
