Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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