is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
