my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
