I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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