it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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