Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
