Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo dont text me then not text me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
