Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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