All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You left your phone here
Wait...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
