What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
