Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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