you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
