sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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